Memories of a Lone Wolf

I really miss my Dad. The Lone Wolf, as he often described himself after the passing of my Mother nearly 20 years ago, was a big part of my life in so many ways. I miss my dear Mother too, but I’ve had some 18 odd years to absorb that cruel blow life dealt me. But Dad, his passing is still fresh in my mind, and not to mention I’ve got 37 years of memories to reflect back on. Fond memories.

My favorite picture of my Dad.

The girls and I, and when I say girls I mean my two daughters, our dog Reba and our cat Daisy, recently made a trip back home to Tennessee to place my dad’s headstone next to my Mother’s and spread his ashes on her grave as he had requested before he passed on.

The essence of my Dad; English style hat, shirt with front pockets, cigarettes, glasses, cell phone, and his favorite cue stick with wolves on it.

My Dad passed away on September 24th of last year, but it has taken this long to get his headstone from the military/government. We could have spread his ashes right away, but we thought it would be more appropriate to do it when his headstone could be placed. Little did we know it was going to take 8 months to get it.

My Father served in the Army as a paratrooper (82nd Airborne) during the Korean War, so we were told that he was eligible for a military style headstone “free” of charge from Uncle Sam. The family agreed that would be a nice touch, so we had the funeral home draw up all the papers and put the wheels in motion.

Sadly, when we finally received it, it wasn’t the one we ordered. It was supposed to be a bronze plate fastened to a granite slab. I have some uncles that served during WWII (one died in action) that have the bronze plate and it looks really, really nice. We wanted Dad to have that one too. The plain granite one is okay too, but when you’re expecting one thing and get another it’s disappointing.

Worse yet, it was engraved crooked. Yup, that’s right, crooked. After all this time, after my father’s service to our country, and that’s the best you can do? It’s not terrible, in fact you might not even notice it at first (I did), it’s just a let down in a long series of let downs. They should be ashamed of themselves. How can they let something like this leave the shop? Don’t people have any pride in their work anymore? This isn’t bodywork on a clunker. This is something that is very personal and emotional for families that they will have to look upon for many, many years. Shameful.

Mom and Dad finally together again after 18 years.

At any rate, that Saturday, our immediate family got together at our family graveyard, and those who wanted to, spread my father’s ashes on my mother’s grave. After that I read a Native American poem and a few scriptures from the bible, and then we all held hands in a moment of silence.

My father wasn’t a very religious man. He never went to church, and to my knowledge, never read the bible, but he did believe in God. He was a good man with morale integrity and honor, and that’s good enough for me. He was particularly proud of his American Indian heritage (as am I). My Father’s Mother was half Cherokee Indian, which is why I read the poem.

Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there, I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you awaken in the mornings hush,
I am the swift uplifting rush
of quiet birds in circled flight,
I am the soft stars that shine at night.

Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there, I did not die

After the readings, shedding of tears, and group hugs, we had one last stop to make. Some people may find this odd, but if you knew my Father then it would make perfect since. My youngest daughter Aletha had the idea to spread some of my Father’s ashes at the local McDonald’s.

You see, my Father LOVED, I mean loved, McDonald’s coffee. When my Mother was alive, they would often drive to McDonald’s just for the coffee. And every time (which was more times then there are calories in a Double Quarter Pounder meal) my Father drove across the county, he would stop, have a smoke, and fill up on Micky D coffee. And every place we stopped knew him by name. My Father had that kind of impact on people.

So we found a small rose bush that was centered on the lawn in front of the McDonald’s in the small town of Pikeville, TN that my parents grew up in, and Aletha placed his ashes there. I’m sure we broke all kinds of city/county/state ordinances, but we didn’t care. I thought it was a very sweet gesture on her part, and I’m sure my Dad would have gotten a kick out of it.

It felt good to finally put Dad to rest, and really helped put some closure on a very emotional time in our lives. The last few years have been particularly rough for me. I’ve lost two very special people in my life to cancer. My Father had leukemia, and my sister Debbie passed of ovarian cancer.

My sister Debbie and Dad in New Orleans not too long before she passed.

I can’t even imagine how hard it was on my Dad. No parent wants to see their children pass on, no matter how old they are. And my pour niece, she lost her mother and father nearly a year apart, and in her early 20’s she still has a lifetime to live.

The images of seeing my sister take her last dieing breath still haunt me to this day. It’s a feeling that you really can’t put to words, and one that I hope to never experience again. It’s had a profound effect on me, and changed my outlook on life permanently.

If there is one thing that I learned from all of this is, and that is to love your family. Hug your kids and tell them that you love them everyday. Don’t be afraid to pick up the phone, call your parents and tell them that you love and appreciate them, because there might not be a tomorrow.

More pictures here.

~Michael